Resolutions... reSOlutions... reSOLUTIONs
I do this thing ever so often where I like to think about what I was doing or where I was at this time last year. That didn't give me any peace.
So I thought of how quickly the '05 has passed, that too did not give me peace. While this year has brought a lot of personal growth- it has come at a cost.
So then I thought about what I'd like to resolve to do in the up coming year. Resolutions- if you will.
Well, I think- after pondering this on the drive home- doesn't the new year's resolution in some way intimate that if I could or wanted to do that thing (workout, call my parents more, eat less, throw-up more, insert typical lofty slash realistic goal here) that I already would. I understand that sometimes we just need a little focus or prompting and the perceived 'clean slate' of a new year lets you borrow that. Really though- if you wanted to--- you would. If I wanted to- I would.
So- here's the shit I struggle with everyday that I don't give myself credit for, that I have worked on, that I continue to work on, so that I can find that place where I'm calm inside no matter what's going on outside.....
Finances- I hate Sallie Mae and her 10 year loan but I love her for the peace of paper that's framed in my office. S-M and I are working out our stuff- it's a paycheck to paycheck struggle.
My car- she will be paid off this year, April I believe. It is then I will get her the lube job of her life so that she will stay with me for as long as possible. I really am trying not to hit so much stuff- really!
My health- I didn't intend to go so long without getting my teeth cleaned- it's a well know fact that I'm weird about teeth in general, especially my teeth. I'm working on it, it's gonna happen now that we have dental--- ah yeah!
My health part deux- it's not enough to read sell-hellP books, it's a changing of a pattern of behaviors that isn't working. I'm not going to build a big let down for myself by reSOLVing to do or not do something. Mental health is an evolution not a resolution, I'm doing what I can.
My future- it's so vague and yet so clear. The more I find what I like to do and what I'm good at- the more I wonder what the next 5 er 10 years will bring. I like what I do, I'm good at it. I'm happy- can it be better elsewhere? Could it be better doing more? It's clearly vague. It's cute!
So really that's it. I'm not resoluting anything that I'm not already doing as it is. I do what I can. I think most people do. So--- if you make resolutions, and this works for you- great! I support your initiative to become more than you already are and your attempts at betterment. If you say 'damn the man' and resolve to make no resolution- I am with you! I AM WITH YOU!
So I thought of how quickly the '05 has passed, that too did not give me peace. While this year has brought a lot of personal growth- it has come at a cost.
So then I thought about what I'd like to resolve to do in the up coming year. Resolutions- if you will.
Well, I think- after pondering this on the drive home- doesn't the new year's resolution in some way intimate that if I could or wanted to do that thing (workout, call my parents more, eat less, throw-up more, insert typical lofty slash realistic goal here) that I already would. I understand that sometimes we just need a little focus or prompting and the perceived 'clean slate' of a new year lets you borrow that. Really though- if you wanted to--- you would. If I wanted to- I would.
So- here's the shit I struggle with everyday that I don't give myself credit for, that I have worked on, that I continue to work on, so that I can find that place where I'm calm inside no matter what's going on outside.....
Finances- I hate Sallie Mae and her 10 year loan but I love her for the peace of paper that's framed in my office. S-M and I are working out our stuff- it's a paycheck to paycheck struggle.
My car- she will be paid off this year, April I believe. It is then I will get her the lube job of her life so that she will stay with me for as long as possible. I really am trying not to hit so much stuff- really!
My health- I didn't intend to go so long without getting my teeth cleaned- it's a well know fact that I'm weird about teeth in general, especially my teeth. I'm working on it, it's gonna happen now that we have dental--- ah yeah!
My health part deux- it's not enough to read sell-hellP books, it's a changing of a pattern of behaviors that isn't working. I'm not going to build a big let down for myself by reSOLVing to do or not do something. Mental health is an evolution not a resolution, I'm doing what I can.
My future- it's so vague and yet so clear. The more I find what I like to do and what I'm good at- the more I wonder what the next 5 er 10 years will bring. I like what I do, I'm good at it. I'm happy- can it be better elsewhere? Could it be better doing more? It's clearly vague. It's cute!
So really that's it. I'm not resoluting anything that I'm not already doing as it is. I do what I can. I think most people do. So--- if you make resolutions, and this works for you- great! I support your initiative to become more than you already are and your attempts at betterment. If you say 'damn the man' and resolve to make no resolution- I am with you! I AM WITH YOU!
because really- I just don't wanna diet.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 10:55 PM.
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I just love to read about what you are doing.
Love U Aunt Kim
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