Dear Dell Rainman-
Initially so upset that I was unable to best articulate myself I felt it best to send my sentiment in a heartfelt, albeit open, letter.
I know that it's difficult to diagnose computer issues over the phone- I believe my opening statement was, "I know it's difficult to diagnose computer issues over the phone, but..."
I also know that you know more than I know about knowing what is wrong with computers.
I also know my 'backside' from a 'battery' but that doesn't seem to compute in your Star Trek centered cerebellum.
So, let me try and explain this in language you may be able to understand.
Due to the curse of a Dell- there is no one no one willing to operate my laptop. All the parts would have to be ordered and/or sent to the Dell hub (aka- Nashville). However- thanks to the miracle to NorthPark Mall, the only Dell store in the world will look at my junk for mere $69.00. I am underwhelmed with excitement by this. Flaccid with joy, if you will.
When I explain that my AC adapter doesn't connect to my battery- thereby not charging it- that does not NOT translate to, "your motherboard may need to be replaced for $500." It is inappropriate for that to be the first thing you tell me. It may be inappropriate for you to say that- EVER!
Again- I know that I do not speak as softly as Princess Leia but I need you to listen when I tell you that the computer is fine- we just have a charging issue.
I appreciate your time and I hope that the future does find you enjoying that turkey sandwich for lunch while you watch Wapner.
I will see you tomorrow when I bring my 'system' in for the 'diagnostic analysis.'
I will remain composed when I drop off my life's electronic treasures and all the music that makes my lifetime soundtrack. I will be calm. . .
I will be calm when I tell you that, "if I come back and I need a new 'motherboard' I will promptly shove my antiquated 20 pound laptop down your throat and suffer the consequences."
Lastly- if you spit while talking as much as think you do based our phone chat- I will charge you a cleaning fee.