M.I.A.

So, it was a bittersweet day when I was officially offered the position at the DA's office because as excited as I am to be doing the work, it is so hard to think about leaving where I am. There are so many times I want to give up and find a job that I'm not emotionally married to- it pays better and makes the days easier to let go of when it's just a 'rough day' and not 'the cause' going one further- 'my cause.' I can't begin to count the times I've said- I'm married to the cause, not the agency but the further I get from being there (the closer I get to leaving)- I realize this marriage may be co-dependent. I wonder how long we can be together before one of us buckles under the need for more at the same time- damn near exploding from the pressure of not being enough. I'm uncertain I'll figure out this relationship anytime soon but know that I feel like I've found the place where the work so desperately needs to be done and I can do it (fist in the air).

Courtney and I play this fun game of "ok, tell me three things. . . " It tends to follow bad dates, dissolving relationships, rough days at the office, or any other event that may have ended unfavorably. It's, "ok, tell me three good things that happened" or , "tell me three things that you wouldn't have otherwise gotten to experience." (Everyone needs a friend, a safe friend, that they can process shit with- this is a gift you will ultimately give yourself. Otherwise- getta shrink!)
So here, in all the joy, pain, love, dissatisfaction, truly bittersweet are my three things that I am taking away from TTP.
I am, good, bad, or indifferent- one hell of an advocate. It's about empowerment, not me. It's about resources, not pity. It's about the best decision at the time, nothing else.
I am taking an understanding of what humanity does it its fellow mate that will never cease to color me shocked. All the while- I ain't made atcha- got nothin' but love fuh ya!
I am taking some post-it notes and all the binders that have my training presentations in them. I've already taken 8 stamps. I know, settle down!

Headed north on 75 there is, just before 635, a Grandy's and it's big ugly green sign. There is also a billboard situated close behind- it's a KSKY 660 AM billboard and the entire right side of the board says, "LIBERALS HATE IT!" When you are driving north and you glance up, it looks like: GRANDY'S, LIBERALS HATE IT. It makes me laugh everytime, I'm going to miss my morning insult. I, just like Kenneth, may never venture north of NW Hwy again.
There are only 2 days left for me as the Volunteer Coordinator.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 11, 2005 at 3:31 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.