i've lost 175 lbs. already this year!
for sometime now i have been thinking about what i consider 'deal breakers.' i believe i have come up with a short list. i was aiming for 5 but i come back to the same 3 everytime. deal breakers are the standards that i will measure each and every person to that is and remains close to my heart. i have, for as long as i can remember, found it easy to give of my heart. i find it easy and rewarding- and as i have gotten older, i want to do this more and more. i wish i could better explain this internal drive to give of myself for a cause. the comfort provided by my purpose outweighs the disappointment of, what seems like, an impossible task. i AM the change i wish to see in the world (have i said that already?!?) at any rate- am reconciling my love of a better world and exactly how much of myself i am willing to give for any one cause or person. with this i have developed my 3 list of deal breakers because with the realization that i will give unconditionally- i will be more selective as to who/whom/what i will let inside my heart. i have come to find that while my drive and passion seems unparalleled- my heart is delicate and i have to take care of it.
i am not going to tolerate LIES. things that are lies include but are not limited to: deception, manipulation, and certainly distraction with the intent to conceal the truth.
- i am a smart girl and i will no longer deny my inner voice, my 'gut', my instinct when it tells me that something is amiss.
i am not going to tolerate ADDICTION. addiction to porn, gambling, alcohol, anything- this is a divisive lifestyle and i have learned that i will never win and it saddens me that it must be a win/loose situation. if you are too good to confront your demons- i will never be enough to get you there.
i am not going to tolerate APATHY. this is a good one- and i considered not adding it but let us look at what apathy really is: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=apathy. it may be too much to ask that you be impassioned by something, but it is NOT too much to ask that you not lack emotion. my mom said one time, "stand for something, or you'll fall for anything" i know she didn't coin the phrase- but she knew when to use it.
so this brings me to how this list will help in the future (sidebar: i reserve the right to add to this at any time as i deem necessary).
i cleaned house today and it felt really good and i miss jake so much it makes my eyes burn- or maybe that's just the overwhelming odor of bleach. as i have outlined though- loving him takes a backseat to knowing that the right thing is not always easy. his APATHY to his own ADDICTION and LIES make the decision possible but the feelings just don't seem to be on the same page. so i clean and remind myself that this, like bad chinese food, will pass.
Emilie is on her way home to me- we are going to cook dinner and the evening will pass and i'll start next week same as the last and i'll take comfort in that 175 lbs i've already lost this year- he took up too much closet space anyway...
i am not going to tolerate LIES. things that are lies include but are not limited to: deception, manipulation, and certainly distraction with the intent to conceal the truth.
- i am a smart girl and i will no longer deny my inner voice, my 'gut', my instinct when it tells me that something is amiss.
i am not going to tolerate ADDICTION. addiction to porn, gambling, alcohol, anything- this is a divisive lifestyle and i have learned that i will never win and it saddens me that it must be a win/loose situation. if you are too good to confront your demons- i will never be enough to get you there.
i am not going to tolerate APATHY. this is a good one- and i considered not adding it but let us look at what apathy really is: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=apathy. it may be too much to ask that you be impassioned by something, but it is NOT too much to ask that you not lack emotion. my mom said one time, "stand for something, or you'll fall for anything" i know she didn't coin the phrase- but she knew when to use it.
so this brings me to how this list will help in the future (sidebar: i reserve the right to add to this at any time as i deem necessary).
i cleaned house today and it felt really good and i miss jake so much it makes my eyes burn- or maybe that's just the overwhelming odor of bleach. as i have outlined though- loving him takes a backseat to knowing that the right thing is not always easy. his APATHY to his own ADDICTION and LIES make the decision possible but the feelings just don't seem to be on the same page. so i clean and remind myself that this, like bad chinese food, will pass.
Emilie is on her way home to me- we are going to cook dinner and the evening will pass and i'll start next week same as the last and i'll take comfort in that 175 lbs i've already lost this year- he took up too much closet space anyway...
This entry was posted
on Sunday, February 27, 2005 at 3:45 PM.
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I remember once when I was 16 and I got in a fight with my boyfriend at youth group. I was so mad that I couldn't even stand it (I was the crazy one back then). This lesbian woman about 35 named Victoria looked at me and said:
"Casey, did he cheat on you?"
"no"
"Did he lie to you?"
"no"
"Did he steal from you?"
"no"
"Then get over it."
I always have tried to live by that advise when I am in my relationships these days. It helps to have princples and know where you stand. That helps you to weed out those who you truly loev and those who truly love you. It makes life so much easier, and makes it easier to cut loose those who are not good people.
Of course, you must also remember, some people have wonderful qualities buried within a mess of mental instability in many forms. Some people are worth the time it takes to show them the way...becuz some people have never seen how to function within productive society.
My mom always said "Love people for what they are, but know them for what they are. If you know a thief, hide your valuables when they come over."
Her point was; don't lose pepole because of one flaw. Don't cast good, loving friends away because of one thing. Now, if they're not good lovign friends...that's different. But there are some people with one fatal flaw that will never chnage, but somehow they still bring something enriching to your life.
Just a few thoughts...
Casey
hmmm. . .
did he cheat? more or less. well, more THAN less.
did he lie? i'm going to answer a question w/ a question: is a frogs ass water-tight? YES!
did he steal? well only after i moved all his shit out, he got in and pilfered.
so other than really pissed- where does this leave me... other than moving on?
either way- i, like destiny's child, am a survivor- i'm not gonna give up, i'm not gonna stop, i'm gonna live stronger.... ya know.
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