M.I.A.

I have a list of cheap thrills and I'm not too good to admit it. I don't think this is going to be reduced to a 'top (insert#here)' because I'd like for it to be the on going itemization of appreciation.

-I love love love seeing my name. I get a thrill out of seeing my name on just about anything (except for maybe bills). This extends to my initials or the appropriate representation of the almighty 'M' as well. Sitting on my couch- there are 4 visible 'M's. That's a success!

-I get so excited when I find money. Money truly found is nice but one better is the money left in clothes. It's thrilling because it's actually yours and it's like a bonus.

-I find exceptional joy in hearing someone, anyone say something that I say. Those sayings that weave their character into the daily fiber of your jargon. All of mine are admittedly borrowed from someone or something else so I most certainly don't mind hearing a bit of myself coming from the head of another.

-I love dusk. It's the hottest part of the day, the sun tries it's hardest when it succeeds at being too low for the sun visor and too high to be below the horizon which makes driving hazardous- but I think it's a reminder to slow down. It's just a slower part of what is normally a quick paced day.

-I like getting emails. More often than not they are a pain in my over worked, worked over ass that require me take my short attention-span from other things. I still like getting email. I like that it keeps me in contact with people that I would otherwise not be able to stay in touch with. I like that it forces me to sever those same ties when it's necessary. I like that I can sometimes hear your voice in my head. . . or my heart.

-I like that I've gone 2 (TWO!) weeks without hitting a squirrel.

-I like reading bumper stickers and figuring out personalized license plates.

bare with me while I edit my template...
I'm playing with some new stuff- - -
feel free to comment on the look, I like this better than the pink but I'm not married to it!

Democracy Fest has come and gone and I can't even begin to describe how much I learned and the value of the experience. I've consolidated the experience into a top 5 list and it's as follows:

5. I can in fact, sweat my own weight in sweat and still want to be there badly enough to stay.

4. Dems can do some serious drinkin'. As the weekends mantra goes: Republicans have better food, Democrats have better drugs.

3. Stubb's barbecue sauce is THAT effin good!

2. Framing is possibly, the most important technique that we can use in order to better posture ourselves with a worthwhile cause. For instance- I have reframed my thoughts about the yellow Xterra (not exterra)- it's now and forever associated with good times!

1. Bumper stickers are awesome! For instance- "JESUS WOULD SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU" and. . . "DEMOCRATIC WOMEN ARE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY" . . . yeah we are!

these people. . .

are sitting below THIS sign...

Those liberal democrats. . . they don't let anyone tell them what to do!!!

that blur... it's Howard Dean!

. . . and "Harry"- is smart enough to 'borrow' Dean's slogan. (see the back of the gray shirt?!?)

i'm on my way to work, i'm running late as it is- i have run late all week, recovering from jetlag, and this squirrel runs out and i hit it. i heard it hit the right front tire and it was terrible... TERRIBLE. so i thought maybe the sound was exaggerated so i look in the rearview mirror and, oh... this is where i lost it- the squirrel was still moving on the ground, not quite dead, but unable to move from the impact. i was so upset- i knew that i had to go back and put squirrel out of his misery but couldn't do it.

i couldn't euthanize

i couldn't get over running late

i couldn't decide so i went to work and cried: the whole. . . way. . . there.

work goes as it does. i answer the phone, and i think i've mentioned this before- picking up the phone is interesting b/c you never know when you are going to actually help someone. so there is a phone call, it's a woman who's been assaulted- an unfortunate, all to often occurrence in my office.

but what if she's assaulted by a women?

what if she doesn't have insurance?

what if she's been bleeding and doesn't know where to go?

what if she's been called a 'dyke' at planned parenthood and can't go back?

what if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me because of my status... my priviledge as a straight woman does not make her comfortable?

there is just nothing i can do to make her pain go away- i know that, it's a reality- but at this point i can't even get close enough to soften the blow because she has been screwed by the system in ways i will never know or see.

i want to say that i'm with her... i'm her sister in solidarity but i know that she just wants a number to get help and she wants to move on- i realize my telling her anything other than that phone number would be b/c it makes me feel better- not her.

so i keep it together long enough to get her what she needed and get off the phone. i couldn't even make it to shut the door before i lost it. i just turned my chair around and cried. the dam broke because there is nothing i will do that will undo her experience. there is nothing i will do that will make her comfortable getting help from me. there is nothing that will let her talk to me about anything other than the fact that she just wants a goddamn phone number.

but Michael Eisner said today that one of the most important experiences of his life was... not college, not graduate school, not masturbating, or even dating. it was CAMP. that's right- camp, the place where rich kids go to be with other rich kids so that they can learn to tolerate each other.

so from my wet stupor, i dry it up. and drive home- slowly, hoping to avoid those kamikaze squirrels. Emilie still laughs at my wet display over the squirrel- well. . . i'm fuckin' sensitive- shit!

the sprinklers think at home abortions are unjust too!

everything- and i do mean everything- is lit up- that will now be the new phrase (instead of lit up like a christmas tree) "that's lit like las vegas!" i'm looking forward to using that to describe drunks!

this was a totally posed shot- you know i'm not intentionally giving my money to porn...
Emilie said, "oh yeah, you're doin' that one!!!" then she got busted after taking the picture and it wouldn't take her money (not mine! i'm not puttin' my money in there!). good times yo! good times!

one thing i didn't even notice until i uploaded my pictures was the word behind the slot---
it says "progressive" and i think that's neat. i see that there are some things that simply do not leave you- no matter how hard you try!

so- we flew over the grand canyon on our way into LV. that is amazing!!!

i fully intended on going last summer- didn't make it, but i'm going to go back and getting a closer look- i'm going to get into it.
i am truly impressed by what a change of scenery can do for perspective- don't get me wrong, i don't think the view from my window can change everything- but it certainly lends itself to some clarity.
so the grand canyon is this big gaping hole that sneaks up on you, even from thousands of feet in the air- it's just flat earth- and then there's gynormous hole- all created by a river. it's so many things not the least of which is impressive. the colors, the character, the clear fibers of folds, wrinkles and cracks- it's seemed so still and yet so alive!

at any rate- we just got home tonite and i needed to put something down- it feels so weird being away for a week. i think the kids lost weight.

i have more pictures and more to get down- we went for a wedding and i came back with yet another perspective on the segregating club known as a holy union.