hey- where's your purse? ...and who's driving?
there was a bumper sticker on a car that said, 'jesus is my co-pilot.' i thought it incredibly interesting considering- he never drove, call me crazy- but i'm picking a co-pilot that has atleast been behind the wheel and by wheel i'm not talkin' a potter'swheel.
i see this on my way to the hospital, i've been on several calls lately because the new volunteers that are going on their first hospital visits have to be accompanied and during the week- i'm the staff to accompany. so i see this bumper sticker and i'm wondering what it is that drives me or drives with me?... what gets me there, keeps me there, gets me home, keeps me grounded, lifts me up? it is so easy to let my mind wander (or wonder) to the instances in my life that bogart my thoughts. i don't like that my mother hurt my feelings... even further i don't like that i may have hurt hers... even further still (and now there's no room to wonder why there's a distance) i wonder why i can communicate with so many and yet i feel i fail at doing so effectively with my own mother. i don't like that i have a failed (failed?... butchered!!!) relationship with some one that i truly loved in a way i didn't think possible for myself. i don't like thinking that i may not have that closeness with anyone else and that i have sacrificed that for what i believe is truly right. i don't like feeling that i am a finacial derilect because i can't make my salary make it. one better, i don't like remembering that i made more at 23 without a college degree than i do at 26 with a college degree. i don't like feeling that i'm just a sucker for the cause... i don't like that i may be working towards something that i have called 'the cause' and it may turn out to be nothing more than 'my cause' and that it will lead me to exactly where i am with no progress in site.
so this is what sits with me, and sometimes really just sits on me...
but it's really hard to take any this seriously when i've just left the hospital because a child cannot be left with a babysitter and not be touched 'there.'
so i'm gonna drive home with my baggage in the backseat because this is in the front, until i can shower it off. i'll get my baggage back tomorrow- sometimes it's a sassy pink purse, sometimes its the drab colored messanger bag, and sometimes it's a black clutch- but either way, it's my baggage, i take it with me and it 'co-pilots' when i drive. but for tonite- and other nites before, and many more to come- i want to throw it in the backseat because someone needs help carrying their bag- and i can make room.
i see this on my way to the hospital, i've been on several calls lately because the new volunteers that are going on their first hospital visits have to be accompanied and during the week- i'm the staff to accompany. so i see this bumper sticker and i'm wondering what it is that drives me or drives with me?... what gets me there, keeps me there, gets me home, keeps me grounded, lifts me up? it is so easy to let my mind wander (or wonder) to the instances in my life that bogart my thoughts. i don't like that my mother hurt my feelings... even further i don't like that i may have hurt hers... even further still (and now there's no room to wonder why there's a distance) i wonder why i can communicate with so many and yet i feel i fail at doing so effectively with my own mother. i don't like that i have a failed (failed?... butchered!!!) relationship with some one that i truly loved in a way i didn't think possible for myself. i don't like thinking that i may not have that closeness with anyone else and that i have sacrificed that for what i believe is truly right. i don't like feeling that i am a finacial derilect because i can't make my salary make it. one better, i don't like remembering that i made more at 23 without a college degree than i do at 26 with a college degree. i don't like feeling that i'm just a sucker for the cause... i don't like that i may be working towards something that i have called 'the cause' and it may turn out to be nothing more than 'my cause' and that it will lead me to exactly where i am with no progress in site.
so this is what sits with me, and sometimes really just sits on me...
but it's really hard to take any this seriously when i've just left the hospital because a child cannot be left with a babysitter and not be touched 'there.'
so i'm gonna drive home with my baggage in the backseat because this is in the front, until i can shower it off. i'll get my baggage back tomorrow- sometimes it's a sassy pink purse, sometimes its the drab colored messanger bag, and sometimes it's a black clutch- but either way, it's my baggage, i take it with me and it 'co-pilots' when i drive. but for tonite- and other nites before, and many more to come- i want to throw it in the backseat because someone needs help carrying their bag- and i can make room.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, April 19, 2005 at 12:49 AM.
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Yeah...you got a UT(GE)D Degree tho...keep that in mind.
~Casey
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